hang on my guy's gotta do something cool real quick
“why would we make plans in front of you if you weren’t invited?” babe i was left out of everything growing up, i need 100% confirmation you want me there or i simply will not go
text from my dad (2021) - my dad
“i’ll admit that my main problem with this is that i haven’t asked”
submitted by @cornandcoconutsoup
Original text for context
op this provides no context
I’ve come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog’s a bitch-ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking wife! That’s right, he took his hedgehog-fuckin’ quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was “this big,” and I said “that’s disgusting,” so I’m making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Shadow the Hedgehog, you’ve got a small dick, It’s the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here’s what my dong looks like! That’s right, baby, tall points, no quills, no pillows — look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong! He fucked my wife, so guess what, I’m gonna fuck the Earth! That’s right, this is what you get: my SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I’m not gonna piss on the Earth, I’m gonna go higher!! I’m pissing ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama?! I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth! Now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!
Happy one year anniversary to the video that gave us this improvised gem.
Happy 5th Anniversary, all you bitch ass motherfuckers
I do believe in the power of sitting in your car just a little longer before heading inside, lying upside down on the couch, cloud gazing well into adulthood, taking the time to learn something new, humility, recollecting your dreams, pressing something warm against your belly, small talk w strangers, odes to romance, a lit candle on your countertop while you cook, having a sense of humor about life
penis parker was bitten on the dick by a radioactive spider and fights crime as her alter ego: spider-cock
why the fuck is penis parker a girl
are you new here?
Ugh, was having a great time mocking my recently imprisoned rival when I noticed the camera positioning makes it so that I appear behind the bars, thus framing me as trapped in a metaphorical prison of the narrative, now my whole day is ruined. Fuck.
imgayforfanart asked:
Which is sexier, a werewolf or a vampire?
jonnywaistcoat answered:
Depends if you find it sexier to submit to the will of charismatic evil or to be overwhelmed by animalistic power. And that’s not a decision I can make for you.
question for the omnivores out there… which meat is the best?
beef
lamb/mutton
pork
chicken
fish
turkey
other (explain)
don’t eat meat/want results